My New Approach to Female Chastity

I may have put the cart before the horse. I was expecting C to work up to an orgasm, then stop just short of it, completely on her own.

I didn’t realize I was missing a few steps until I read a post in A Married Woman’s Guide blog (yah, it’s not written for men but it was useful).

5 progressive steps to learning orgasm control:

  1. The partner will ask before having an orgasm (the request). A yes is given (the consent), right away. And they may come.
  2. Again, the partner will ask, but they will not be given permission to come for seconds or minutes.
  3. Permission to orgasm will not be given for one session.
  4. Permission will not be given for a few sessions.
  5. A date (up to a month away) will be chosen and kept secret. An orgasm will only be allowed on this date.

Each step may be practiced over several sessions before moving on to the next. Steps can be taken fast or slow, or skipped entirely. Please read A Married Woman’s Guide blog for details on this approach.

Request/consent is the main concept to learn. It must be agreed upon by both partners and a commitment must be made.

The approach will require practice to avoid slipping back into old habits. The requesting partner must gain control of their stimulation responses by slowing down or stopping just prior it orgasm. The consenting partner must learn to say no.

It may be hard to delay or withhold consent of your partner’s orgasm. You may feel you owe them. You don’t want to deprive them of the pleasure of an orgasm. Or it may seem unfair.

The goal is to lengthen their excitement and build a heightened anticipation of your next love making session. And the anticipated orgasm may be well worth the wait.

Keep it fun. Your relationship does not depend on it. It is just a game. Remember that a slip is not a failure. It only means you need more practice.

She Came

C agreed to let me shave her tonight. This is an activity that I love. It is so intimate. And the results are very sexy.

After we cleaned up, I told C I was going to fuck her. I sucked on her nipples, then I slowly moved the tip of my tongue over the tip of her clit, hitting it on the way up and the way down. C asked me to remember this spot because she liked it so much.

She asked me to put it in. C used a little bullet on her clit while I pumped and licked her nipples. She can take a lot of stimulation on her nipples only when we are making live.

I reminded her she is not allowed to come. No complaints.

I got really excited thinking about her not being allowed to come. I had a hard time holding back my own orgasm. But I wanted to wait until the end.

I could hear her getting more excited. I was pumping her and licking her nipples. This combination often gets her off. I reminded her again not to come.

She came.

It was strong. And it seemed to last longer than usual. The intensity in her face was magnificent.

I held her. The afterglow lasted a while.

She wanted me to come. We began to discuss her supposed chastity, which turned me on. I put it in again. It was getting late so C decided to try the bullet vibrator on me. She used it on my favorite spot and pumped me with her hand. That was a great combination. My orgasm was very strong.

I told her she was not supposed to come. What happened?

“It felt so good. I just had to come.”

“When you were getting close didn’t you think you should stop?”

“I just thought, fuck it. I want to come. It was feeling so good.”

“But you agreed you wouldn’t come for a week.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Yes you did.”

I told her I’d have to punish her for coming. Of course, we never agreed that an infraction would result in a punishment. According to her, we never even agreed to play a game. Was she just having fun with me?

Before I say more, please understand that I love that she came. I’ve been hoping to get her excited for several days. And she did tonight in a big way. I’m wondering if the talk of her having to hold back actually got her more excited. We had a beautiful moment together.

So what to do. Apparently, we were not in agreement on what we both wanted. Would she agree to try again?

I’m thinking, what we did was wonderful. It was really C’s first attempt to hold back her orgasm. Hopefully we’ll be making love again soon and she may be a little more mindful of the rules.

Now I need to think of a punishment that we’ll both love.

He’s Kinky, She’s Not. Finding a Kink That Works For Both.

We are very different sexually. I’m very adventurous in bed and C keeps it simple. I am willing to try about anything that a caring, loving couple could work into their sex play. I especially like control games and anything that involves pleasuring C. She enjoys handjobs, headjobs, and intercourse, but not bondage, spanking, or anal. C occassionally steps upside her comfort zone. They are usually one-time events.  We’ve tried a few new things over the years but in my book of kink they only scratch the surface.

I don’t want to be kinky all the time.  I love when we make love and give back rubs. It builds connection and closeness that I want and need.

But – I do like to have a little kinky fun in bed.  In my mind, kinky sex is always just a short drive away, but C refuses to get in the car.

In the past, I made several attempts to suggest kinky sex games that we would both like. But nothing ever seemed to excite her.  Most recently we tried male chastity. She hated the idea of having control – of my orgasms or any part of my sexuality.

So, it’s been a struggle.  But in my attempt to find something else we would both enjoy, I suggested this female chastity game.  When she agreed, I jumped in with both feet.