I may have put the cart before the horse. I was expecting C to work up to an orgasm, then stop just short of it, completely on her own.
I didn’t realize I was missing a few steps until I read a post in A Married Woman’s Guide blog (yah, it’s not written for men but it was useful).
5 progressive steps to learning orgasm control:
- The partner will ask before having an orgasm (the request). A yes is given (the consent), right away. And they may come.
- Again, the partner will ask, but they will not be given permission to come for seconds or minutes.
- Permission to orgasm will not be given for one session.
- Permission will not be given for a few sessions.
- A date (up to a month away) will be chosen and kept secret. An orgasm will only be allowed on this date.
Each step may be practiced over several sessions before moving on to the next. Steps can be taken fast or slow, or skipped entirely. Please read A Married Woman’s Guide blog for details on this approach.
Request/consent is the main concept to learn. It must be agreed upon by both partners and a commitment must be made.
The approach will require practice to avoid slipping back into old habits. The requesting partner must gain control of their stimulation responses by slowing down or stopping just prior it orgasm. The consenting partner must learn to say no.
It may be hard to delay or withhold consent of your partner’s orgasm. You may feel you owe them. You don’t want to deprive them of the pleasure of an orgasm. Or it may seem unfair.
The goal is to lengthen their excitement and build a heightened anticipation of your next love making session. And the anticipated orgasm may be well worth the wait.
Keep it fun. Your relationship does not depend on it. It is just a game. Remember that a slip is not a failure. It only means you need more practice.